The time has come for The Academy Awards 2012! Who will win, who will lose, and what extra long speeches will we have to endure. We are live from Colton, CA watching The Academy Awards.
The show has begin!
We love Morgan Freemon. Speak more…”I’m going to hear the entire show narrated with his voice now” – partygoer
“It is true, George Clooney is gay. We love you more now.” – random partgoer. “I hope he is gay” – gay partygoer
“Why is Justin Bieber at The Academy Awards?”
“I can’t believe she (Melissa McCarthy) has an Oscar nom for pooing in a sink” – RE
“James Earl Jones looks whie now” – random partygoer
“This feels dated.” “He’s older, he can’t hit those notes now.” ‘It should be a hip-hop number, with FX; I have ADD.”
“I want a powder blue suit. Like Dumb and Dumber“.
Award: Cinematography – Hugo
– We all voted for Tree of Life. Lame.
“Oh great, a foreigner” – random partygoer
Award: Art Direction – Hugo
“Streep is wearing Gold Lamee–like she did when she won, a million years ago”. – random partygoer
“How much plastic surgery has he (Crystal) had? – partygoer
“J Lo, you should take advice about being a lady.” – a woman partygoer
Award: Costume Design – The Artist
Award: Make-up – The Iron Lady
“Best make-up for having no make-up on.” – female partygoer
“Bored….” – at 5:59pm.
“Helen Mirren has more sex appeal than Hillary Swank.” – female partygoer
Award: Best Foreign Film – A Separation
“Nazi’s have swag.” – what???
Award: Best Supportng Actress – Octavia Spencer for The Help
“She’s been making movies since she was skinny.” – female partygoer
“Claymation Taxi Driver by Tim Burton.” – the current state of the conversation
“When is Christopher Guest going to make another movie? This bit is funny.” – RE
“Dirty Little Monkeys,” – cue whole room laughter
Award: Editing – The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
Award: Sound Editing – Hugo
“My career is seriously in question, I’ve only got 3 right so far.” – KS
Award: Sound Mixing – Hugo
“Are they going to do a Whitney Houston death thing?” – female partygoer (who is insensitive)
“I wonder how much he pays his women?” – female partygoer referring to George Clooney
Award: Best Documentary – Undefeated
Award: Animated Feauture – Rango
How tall is Emma Stone? oh wait… she’s next to Ben stiller. – we’ve lost track of who is talking
Award: Visual Effects – Hugo
What the F?… Hugo over Planet of the Apes?!? Andy Serkis for life!
“This is from Kohl’s.” – a terrible person said this; poor Melissa Leo
Award: Best Supporting Actor – Christopher Plummer for Beginners
“He’s gonna die soon” – the response to him being the oldest actor to win this award
President is speaking, time for a bathroom break.
“One ring, to link us all.” – Everyone, at once.
“Who is that guy? The President. What? That’s the President? Of AMPAS. Oh…” – WOW.
“Why is he hosting this?” – male partygoer
“Did anyone even see War Horse?”
Whoops, it was The Artist
Award: Best Original Score – The Artist
“Psych!” – man next to me
Award: Best Song – “Man Or Muppet” from The Muppets
Technical difficulties lead to robot acceptance speech. Heads start spinning.
“Look at those cheekbones (Jolie), it’s almost like Holocaust victim.” – male partygoer
Award: Adapted Screenplay – The Descendants
“Why does she get to do two awards?”
Award: Original Screenplay –
“Best Picture, when that girl sh*t in the street”…”that should have been the film’s promo for best picture.”
Award: Best Original Screenplay – Midnight In Paris
“Why is she there again?” – referring to Mila Jova….(we don’t know how to spell your name)
“I’m not even going to comment/write on the shorts, it makes it seem like I care.” – identity not revealed for fear of backlash.
“That guys got nice eyebrows.” – referring to Jean D…
Award: Best Director – Michael Hazaavicius for The Artist
“She is super shiny.”; “She is screaming Oscar!” – a couple women
“That’s not Macy Gray, its just some chick with an afro.” – Who invited this guy?
“Who was the biggest death this year?” – She’s had too much to drink.
“Batman and Robin right there” – response to seeing George Clooney
Award: Best Actor – Jean Dujardin for The Artist
Award: Best Actress – Meryl Streep for The Iron Lady
“No one is happy in this room right now.” – all of us.
“That’s kind of an insult. You’re good enought to present, but not good enough to win.” – Tom Cruise as a presenter
“How come Transformers isn’t nominated?
Award: Best Picture The Artist
That does it! Time for us all to pass out now!!